Becoming Mommy

My baby boy is 2 months old as of yesterday. I can’t begin to describe the level of joy he has brought to our lives. Sure, the nights can be a little tough and his bouts of crying confusing for a first time mama (Is he hungry? Dirty diaper? Tired? Gassy?), but I am learning to read his cues and figure out his cries. Right now I think he’s going through his “8 week leap” because he doesn’t want to be away from me for more than a second. I am actually wearing him as I type this…he’s all cozy in his Ergo.

Me and my little guy just after his bath. 🙂

What has becoming a mother meant to me? It’s a type of love I’ve never experienced before–completely unconditional. This must be how the heavenly father feels about us…or at least the closest thing to it. I cry tears of joy almost every day when I see my little guy smile…partly because he’s just so beautiful and partly because I can’t bear the thought of being away from him when I go back to work. I remember a few years ago when one of my co-workers came to work for the first time after having a baby (she had just dropped him off to his first full day at daycare) and she was crying. I felt sympathy for her but I really didn’t know what she was going through. Now I completely understand how hard that morning must have been for her…you just want your little one to be completely happy, healthy, safe, and loved, and who better to ensure those things than you and your husband. But alas, it’s not always possible for that to be the case. And I guess I should feel beyond blessed that we’ll only need to have Jack with a nanny (our friend) for 2.5 weeks and then Ben will take over daddy duty. I’m so glad that he’ll be with his dad even though I wish it were me.

Being a mother has made me better understand how much my own parents must love me. I love them so much, but it’s a different kind of love than the love you have for your child. I feel badly now for every time I treated them disrespectfully, but even more than that…I feel bad for the years in high school and college that I suffered from depression because the thought of Jack ever facing what I did just breaks my heart. I want him to be joy filled and I want him to feel a sense of worthiness and love all the days of his life. I know he will struggle and I know his life won’t be perfect, but at the very least, I want him to always feel he is worthy of love. I had to battle for that sense of worthiness for quite a few years before I really truly believed it, and it makes me sad that my parents had to bear that burden of knowing how unhappy their daughter was.

Happy boy!

Being a mother means my sense of time has changed completely. These last two months have positively flown by. Jack has already changed so much in two months. It’s hard to imagine just how different he’ll be two months from now. All the milestones he’ll reach. It makes me wish I could spend every second with him, but I have to trust that God has put us in just the right set of circumstances so that our family will be happy and healthy.

Being a mother means that family is more important to me than ever. It’s even harder for me being away from my family than it was this past year. I want Jack to grow up knowing his aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. And while I know he will, it’s not the same when they live so far away. Fortunately, we may have a few family members coming our way! It means more to me than anything in the world!

Being a mother means I will

…probably never have 8 consecutive hours of sleep again (at least for many years to come)

…always be worried about my child

…not care so much about money as long as my child’s needs are met

…do anything to ensure his happiness, health, and safety

…always have a heart full of love…it often feels as if my heart will burst. It’s just so full.

To all the mommies in the world…especially my own. Thank you.

Finding Joy…What this Blog is All About…

So I originally started this blog with the intent of revealing, exploring, and continuing my journey toward joy. I think I’ve learned a few really important lessons along the way, but here’s one I’ve come to realize recently.

Life is so much easier and more beautiful when you feel fully supported by your spouse. In many ways, this year could have been super stressful for me, and there have been moments. Adjusting to a new place to live, a new job (with a much more challenging assignment than I’ve had in the past), being pregnant (and not getting much sleep as a result), being far away from my family, and so forth, are all things that I know in the past might have really brought me down or made it difficult for me to be happy. I’ve also started taking an online class because I need to take 9 graduate units in order to renew my credential in Oregon. But there is one thing that has made the last few months in many ways easier than ever before and that is Ben.

Ben has been so supportive and loving, and one of the things I’ve been most appreciative of is that he has started to cook. Just having one less responsibility amidst all my other stresses and challenges has made a HUGE difference. I think he knows I’m appreciative, but I don’t think he realizes how big of a difference the small things he does for me actually does for me. It’s not just about not having to cook as often.  It’s not just about the fact that I’m always hungry now that I’m 25 weeks pregnant. It’s because whenever he does something like this for me, I FEEL loved, and that gets me through the stress of everything else. It gets me through the day when I’ve only had 3 hours of sleep. It helps me feel joy even when I’m tired.

So basically, what I’m saying is…LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOUR SPOUSE. It will make all the difference in the world for their happiness and ability to cope with stress.

Fried plantains with a creamy chipotle sauce, avocados, and cilantro! Made as a side dish with tacos for dinner tonight. Thank you sweetie!

Commodity Culture

In Japan, the birth rate is declining rapidly as more and more young people choose not to get married or have children.  By the end of this century the Japanese population will be cut in half if the birth rate continues its decline at its current rate.  This mini-documentary explores why this is, and what they have discovered is astounding.

Instead of investing in relationships, Japanese men and women buy what they perceive to be the benefits of a relationship, except that there are no strings attached.  And I’m not just talking about sex.  They buy “conversation” and “cuddling.”  The cuddling cafes were the weirdest of them all.  These places are literally sectioned off “rooms” with mattresses covered in Hello Kitty stuffed animals. Women cuddle with men (literally there is no sex involved), and even clean their ears with Q-Tips.

A Japanese “cuddle cafe”

And the weird thing is that the men and women interviewed seem perfectly content to parcel out the physical and emotional benefits of a relationship to this fake “reality.”  The American hosting the show is clearly both confused and disturbed by what he sees and experiences.  It’s beyond bizarre.  I can comprehend why people, at times, would want a fantasy escape, but their whole world is an escape from reality.  Do these people really think they are being fulfilled by paying people to talk to them, have sex with them, or cuddle with them?  I am just profoundly confused and troubled that there is part of the world today where this is not just accepted by the norm.

While it seemed like everyone they interviewed felt a complete disdain for marriage (and even boyfriend-girlfriend relationships), I wonder how people who are invested in real relationships in Japan feel.  Are they outcasts in their own society?  Are they perceived as outdated or overly traditional?  It would have been interesting to hear about the culture from one of their perspectives.

To watch the 13 minute video, click below.

Food for the Soul

When I was depressed, I never cooked.  Cooking, in my mind, was a waste of time. Who had time to prepare meals when there was “more important work to be done.”  That was my thinking.  Coupled with that was my obsessive need to “stay on budget,” so I wouldn’t spend too much on good foods for myself.

Over baked chicken fajitas. Mmmm.

Over the past year I have had quite a switch in my thinking about this.  Probably at the heart of it is the fact that I want to have a baby soonish (like in a year or two), so I want my body to be in tip-top shape, not out of vanity but for the sake of my baby’s health.  And as I’ve been thinking about this, I realized that I deserve good health too.  I am far from a good cook, but I’ve been having fun trying new recipes (usually from Pinterest) and a couple other awesome websites like Allrecipes.com.  In the process of learning several hearty, tasty, and healthy meals, I’ve realized that this was another area I neglected, much to my personal happiness.

By taking the time to make myself some healthy meals, I’ve allowed myself to realize I matter.  My health matters. My husband’s health matters.  And guess what?  Just like dance, I realized that something I thought I wouldn’t enjoy is actually fun.  I just needed to allow myself to believe it could be fun and that I could do it without sacrificing my “valuable time.”

One of the easiest and tastiest recipes I’ve made recently was one I found on Pinterest.   Here is a link to the actual recipe if you’re interested: http://skinnywithlisa.com/2013/07/15/one-dish-chicken-10-00-dinner-recipe/.  I encourage you to try it. It’s delicious and so simple!  Here are a couple photos of the finished product.  One tip, I’ve made this recipe twice, once with fresh green beans and once with frozen.  There is a huge difference in taste!  You must buy the fresh!!  They are not that expensive and SOOO worth it.

Here it is with some organic brown rice from Trader Joe’s.

Animoto: Sharing Your Love in 30 seconds or Less

For those of you are not super tech savvy (like myself), making a video could never be easier.  The free version is only 30 seconds, but sometimes that’s all you need.  Here’s a video I made Ben to welcome him home after he came back from his summer job.  Please click on the link below!

I love you, Ben.

It’s the Little Things

Over the past week, while anticipating Ben’s return, I brainstormed many different ways to celebrate his homecoming, but sometimes the best ideas find us.  While shopping at Michael’s I found a blank puzzle for $1.00, and I realized right then and there, what I wanted to do with it.

You see, when Ben and I were dating, he left me a “hang man” to solve on my kitchen counter.  I didn’t know he left it for me until I woke up the next morning and found it.  It was our one month anniversary, and I was excited by the mystery of the little gift.  He thought he was being clever because even though he had put enough blanks for the message he was trying to convey, he did not put all the correct letters in the word bank.  Well, he underestimated the English teacher he was dating, and I decoded his message, which read: I am crazy in love with you.  Needless to say, he was a little upset when I revealed that I got his message, because he had not, at this point, actually told me verbally that he loved me.  He was planning on telling me four days later on Valentine’s Day, but ended up saying it on our one month anniversary because I had played detective just a little too well.  At this point you may be thinking, wow, you guys told he each other “I love you,” after only dating for one month?!  Yes, it’s true.  I knew Ben was the man I was going to marry (or at least I hoped he was) after only three dates.  I have proof.  I wrote it in my diary!!  And given that we were “older,” I was 25 and he was 29, we had both dated enough to know that we had never met someone like each other before.

So fast-forward 3.5 years later:

This time, I made sure all the letters were available!  😉  It still took Ben a few minutes to realize what the message said…LOL.  Oh men.  Gotta love them.  I think he had fun (kinda) putting it together, but he also got frustrated by the fact that there wasn’t much to go on with the blue lines!!  Hehe.  Anyways, can’t beat this romantic gift for only $1.00!!

Here are some pix of him putting it together! (never mind the ridiculous hodgepodge of crap on our table!)

Almost done!

Welcome home sweetie! I love you!

Making the Most of It

After 2.5 months away from home, Ben has finally finished his summer job and come back to me!  Yesterday, I had a minimum day which gave me time to go shopping to prepare for his homecoming.  He did not get home till 9pm last night, which gave me enough time to get ready.

First, Ben loves breakfast, so I made him coffee cake muffins for this morning.  (I also made bacon and eggs this morning to go with them).

Making the muffins!

Struesel for the muffins

Final product! 🙂 So tasty with my morning cup of Earl Gray.

Next, I made an apple pie!  I am loving this almost fall weather.  Hey, anything that’s less than 90 degrees in Canoga Park feels like fall weather, especially after the hot streak we were having.  Here’s a mini-tutorial below!  I used a basic recipe but I changed it, so here’s my own creation 🙂  You will want to pre-heat your oven to 425 F.

1.  First, if you are making your own pie crust, do so and let it chill for at least 15 minutes before baking the pie.  I use a recipe from the book, Mad Hungry.  Basically, it’s 2 cups of flour and 2 tsp of salt (mix).  Cut in 2 sticks of cold butter and mix till it has a crumbly consistency.  Then add 1/2 cup of cold milk and mix.  Separate into two lumps and wrap in plastic wrap. Chill for at least 15 minutes (results best if chilled for 1 hour).

2.  Next, core and peel 6-7 Granny Smith apples.  It helps if you have this awesome contraption from Pampered Chef!

2.  In a saucepan, melt 3/4ths cup of butter (a stick and a half) on low heat. Then add 4.5 tablespoons of flour and whisk till the mixture if froathy.  Next add in 3/4s cup of regular white sugar, 3/4s cup of packed brown sugar, 1/2 tsp cinnamon, 1/2 tsp vanilla, and a dash of nutmeg (optional).  Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer for 2 minutes.

What the mixture looks like while it simmers.

3.  Third, roll out your dough and put the apple slices in the bottom of the dish.  Then pour on the liquid mixture!

4.  With your 2nd lump of dough, you can either roll it out flat on top or create a criss-cross pattern.  I prefer the criss cross pattern!

5.  Now, put your pie in the oven at 425 for 15 minutes.  After 15 minutes, reduce heat to 325 and bake for an additional 35 minutes.

Enjoy:

What else did I do to welcome Ben home?  Well,I made him a sweet romantic gift, but I haven’t given it to him yet, so you’ll have to wait too!! 🙂  It comes with a story, so stay tuned!!

Great Date Night Ideas

So this is a quick post about someone else’s blog!  I have been searching for a great website with fun, inexpensive date night ideas, and most of the sites I’ve found have had (in my opinion) lame ideas.  This one actually has some really great suggestions–ones I think I’ll actually try!  Here’s the link to the article, written by The Happy Wive’s club blog: http://www.happywivesclub.com/15-creative-cheap-stay-at-home-date-night-ideas/

I think I might grab some inexpensive mugs at Michael’s for a fun art project this weekend…and maybe I’ll try to convince Ben to do the Bucket List one with me.  I’m so excited that he’s coming home in 2 days for good!  It’s been 2.5 months since I’ve had him home for good, and I can’t wait 🙂

Thanks for this great list, Happy Wive’s Club!

Refiner’s Fire: How Marriage Has Made Me Better

As I sat this morning, I was trying to think about my next “marriage” post.  I posed this question to myself, “How has being married changed me?”  And the song, “Refiner’s Fire,” came to mind.  The lyrics go like this:

“Purify my heart
Let me be as gold and precious silver
Purify my heart
Let me be as gold, pure gold
Refiner’s fire
My heart’s one desire
Is to be holy
Set apart for You, Lord
I choose to be holy
Set apart for You, my Master
Ready to do Your will
Purify my heart
Cleanse me from within
And make me holy
Purify my heart
Cleanse me from my sin
Deep within”

Now, I know the song is about God transforming and purifying our lives, but marriage, I believe, is God’s work, so it makes sense why these lyrics came to mind.  How have I changed as a result of being married?

A year after getting married, we said our vows in the church.

Well, I can now see that much to my embarrassment, I had sides to my personality that were rather immature and selfish prior to marriage.  Now, I still probably do, but I think I have matured a lot in the last 3.5 years since meeting Ben and especially the last two since we’ve been married.

Specifics?  Here are two.

1. How to Communicate Effectively During Times of Conflict:  I honestly did not know how to get into an argument when we first were together. I thought arguing was a sign of a bad relationship so I would avoid conflict until it came to a head and then I’d just explode.  Case in point–the time I threw my glass into the sink and it shattered because I was so angry.  Wow, wasn’t that mature [shakes head sadly…lol]?!  But honestly, it was a symptom of the fact that I didn’t know how to deal with my emotions in a calm, constructive way.  I had let myself get so angry that it bubbled up, and the result?  Well, I learned quickly that my husband does not respond well to that kind of childish behavior.  Instead of getting his attention so he would listen to me, he turned his back on me and walked right out of the house.  Almost immediately I asked myself the question, “How could you be so stupid?”  Not only did I not solve anything, I lost his respect, and the issue I was angry about still didn’t get resolved.

I am certainly no expert in conflict management, and I’ve only been married a little over two years, but I can thankfully say that since the day I threw the glass in the sink, I have never acted so childishly.  I’ve gotten angry, I’ve said things I shouldn’t have, but I’m getting better about communicating constructively and trying to get at the root of the problem before I explode.  I’m far from perfect at this and I’m sure I’ll have my slips, but my way of dealing with conflict has changed because Ben has shown me that mature adults do not act that way.

The best thing my husband ever said to me was, “Being married to you has been the greatest joy of my life.”

How else has marriage made me better?

2.  Putting Money in Perspective:   Marriage has made me less selfish.  I am not proud to say that I have had issues with money in my life.  I’m a saver, not a spender. I’m extremely cautious with my money.  The only time I’ve really indulged myself is when I’ve saved for vacations because traveling is one of my passions.  I’d much rather spend money on experiences than on “stuff.”  Over the past two years with Ben in school and some other financial set-backs, I’ve had to learn not to put money before our marriage.  Ben has shown me that dealing with money can be a logical process instead of an emotional one, and while I still struggle with this, I have come a long way since my early 20s, when I cried for a full day after my car got totaled, because I was so upset that I’d have to buy a new car.  You would have thought I’d been diagnosed with cancer the way I was freaking out about $$.  Thankfully, marriage has helped me put money in perspective.

Both of these areas I am still working on, but I know that without Ben, I probably would not have come nearly as far.  Being his partner has forced me to be a better person, to shed old habits, and become more like the Megan I am sure God wants me to be.

So yes, marriage is God’s work, and it is like a “refiner’s fire,” constantly making me better.  I hope I am doing the same for Ben.  I can say with confidence that I am.

A Good Marriage is Like the Stock Market

Last night I was talking with an engaged friend about marriage, and I told her:

“A good marriage is like the stock market.  You have your ups and downs, but as long as you are moving in the right direction everything will be okay.”  As soon as I said this to her, I realized how perfect the analogy really is.  No marriage is perfect and unfortunately people (today especially) sometimes have unrealistic expectations that marriage should be easy and fun and fulfilling of all ones needs 24/7.

Luckily, both my husband and I have parents who are still married and who have modeled loving marriages for us all our lives.  I cannot speak for my husband, but I know my parents who have an incredibly strong marriage, have had their ups and downs as well.  As children we get to witness those ups and downs, not with the understanding or wisdom of an adult, but we witness them nonetheless.  The one thing that I always knew as a kid was that no matter what happened, my parents would find a way to work through their problems because they valued their marriage and put it first, even above my needs.  They knew that giving me and my sister the gift of their marriage was the best thing I could ever receive, and I hope to give my future children the same gift.

Over the past 2.5 months my husband has been working up in northern California, and it has been hard to feel connected to him because he doesn’t even have reception most days of the week.  I’ve had plenty of time to think about our marriage and how grateful I am for my husband and our relationship.  I am so proud of him.  He is almost finished with school; he’s received all As so far, worked hard at this internship for very little money, and is willing to put himself out there to change his life so that we can make our marriage dreams a reality.  What I’m most grateful for is the fact that I can trust my husband implicitly.  I have never trusted anyone as much as him, except perhaps my own parents who love me unconditionally.  Whatever flaws he does have, I know that I can trust him fully, and for that I am truly blessed.

I am so excited about our future and thrilled that he is coming home for good in a few days.  I’m sure it will take some readjustment, as we have been a part for the better half of two and a half months, but I am looking forward to the next phase of our marriage.

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I wrote this post at the recommendation of one of my readers who suggested focusing my blog on marriage and intimacy.  What do you guys think?  Would you like more posts on marriage and intimacy?  I would write posts about my own marriage but I think I’d also do research posts and share literature/books on marriage and relationships.  Do you see a need for this?  Would this interest you?  Please leave a comment!!